Why your kids aren’t listening (and what to do)

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

Are you having a challenging time getting your child to listen to you? If so, you're not alone. Parents everywhere often struggle with disobedient children who won't or choose not to listen to them. In this gallery, you'll find 13 common reasons your kids might not be listening to you, followed by what to do instead and ideas for encouraging them to listen. If you're unsure what to do to teach your child the best listening skills, read through today.

Curious how you can help teach your children to listen better? Click through now.

Your child feels disconnected

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

Your child might not listen or communicate with you because they feel disconnected. Having a strong relationship with your child is important. Try spending 10 more minutes with them each day.

Your child didn't hear you

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

When a child is caught up in something it can be difficult for them to save space to listen to you as the parent. Ensure when you do speak to them that you have their full attention.

Your child doesn't want to do the task

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

If your child is seemingly not listening, it may be that they actually just don't want to do the task you're requesting. Prompt them to share why this task feels daunting or share ways the task could be completed.

Your child wants to do a favored activity instead

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

Your child is motivated by their interests, so they may not want to do a task you requested because they are busy doing something they actually like. 

Your child doesn't like being reminded

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

Repeating a phrase like "Pick up your shoes, please" can cause a child to ignore you. Try rewording and being purposeful with your requests. Also, consider using a visual chart of their positive behaviors or activities.

You don't listen to your child, so your child doesn't want to listen to you

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

Communicating with your child goes both ways. You must listen to them if you want them to listen to you. Children, like adults, want to feel seen and understood.

Your child needs more autonomy

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

Children often choose to not listen because they need more autonomy. Just like adults, they want to have a say in what they value and do. Once they are more autonomous, then they'll likely listen more.

Be specific

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

If you are setting big, multiple-step goals for them it can get very confusing. Try using very simple and clear instructions that focus on one task at a time.

Be patient

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

Patience is a virtue, especially with your child. Try showing them it is okay to stumble and there are ways to continue forward. Encourage them to keep listening and trying.

Praise good behaviors

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

Praising your child when they do something you asked of them is a good way to encourage this behavior to occur again. 

Understand their developmental stage

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

Be sure you think about where your child is developmentally speaking. While not every child matures the same, if a child is much younger, try simpler requests and slightly increase the difficulty as the child matures.

Give them choices

Your child feels disconnected, Your child didn't hear you, Your child doesn't want to do the task, Your child wants to do a favored activity instead, Your child doesn't like being reminded, Your child needs more autonomy, Be specific, Be patient, Praise good behaviors, Understand their developmental stage, Give them choices

To help your child avoid decision paralysis and not listening to you, give them two choices. Do they want to do this or that? It gives the illusion of choice and empowers your child to decide for themselves.

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