‘I teach people how to fold and clean – we have lost the art of homemaking’

82% of adults remember chores growing up, Described as a 'tradwife', A volatile childhood home, No one sees it as setting back feminism, The golden rule of home organisation, 'Christmases were so stressful', 'Putting the kitchen to bed', Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

I’m in “professional homemaker” Charlie Gray’s sage-green kitchen, and I feel calm. I keep gazing at her shelves, stacked with perfectly labelled Kilner jars of flour, granola, and sugar. There are no piles of random paperwork, no bowls of miscellaneous items including random batteries that may or may not be waiting to be recycled – and definitely no bits of breakfast stuck to the kitchen table. Gray, 44, mother to Archie, 16, Coco, 15 and 14-year-old Gus, teaches homemaking skills to women across the country. These range from life hacks, such as folding fitted sheets by tucking the corners before putting them in the washing machine so they come out smooth, to teaching the best method to clean a room. “Start at the top and do the floor last,” she explains to me. “There’s no point vacuuming first if you’re then knocking cobwebs off.” (Photo: Lucy Stephenson-Gill)

82% of adults remember chores growing up

82% of adults remember chores growing up, Described as a 'tradwife', A volatile childhood home, No one sees it as setting back feminism, The golden rule of home organisation, 'Christmases were so stressful', 'Putting the kitchen to bed', Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

It makes perfect sense, but this is all new to me. Gray’s business, Ask Charlie, relies on the fact that an increasing number of adults are similar to me and haven’t learnt these homemaking skills. She was inspired by teaching au pairs batch-cooking and bed-making when her own children were tiny. While 82 per cent of adults remember doing household chores when young (I was in charge of ironing in our home), only 28 per cent expect the same of their own children, a survey from Braun found. Gray believes we’re losing the art of homemaking because we’re all so busy. (Photo: SolStock/Getty/Moment RF)

Described as a 'tradwife'

82% of adults remember chores growing up, Described as a 'tradwife', A volatile childhood home, No one sees it as setting back feminism, The golden rule of home organisation, 'Christmases were so stressful', 'Putting the kitchen to bed', Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

She has previously been described as a “tradwife”, but points out she runs a successful business. “I have traditional values [of prioritising family] and those are really important to me,” she explains. “If we sit and give our children our time, they’ll feel our love, care and appreciation of them. I work really hard, but I’ve always juggled my time to make them my priority. It’s a real privilege to be my children’s mother.” She and husband Simon divide their home life along traditional lines: he’s in charge of bins and dog poo. But he’s also a good cook. “Simon does a lot of [child] admin: he’s hugely supportive. I’m really dyslexic.” (Photo: George Marks/Retrofile/Getty)

A volatile childhood home

82% of adults remember chores growing up, Described as a 'tradwife', A volatile childhood home, No one sees it as setting back feminism, The golden rule of home organisation, 'Christmases were so stressful', 'Putting the kitchen to bed', Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

She lived in a volatile home as a teenager; when she was 16, she and her mother had to flee her father, who had become aggressive. Her mum’s mental health suffered, and Gray didn’t have anyone available to listen to her. “I didn’t have a parent to talk through career choices or boyfriends. I want my children to feel they’ve got two supportive parents,” she says. I’ve found elements of the tradwife movement a bit disconcerting, worried there’s a sense of women being controlled. I have no such concerns about Gray. “I’m a nurturer, I love all aspects of home,” she says. “People are relaxed when they come here. Lots of women love nurturing their family. If women are controlled by their husbands and don’t have a choice, that is really concerning. But if they choose, that is admirable – there’s no break, no holiday pay. It’s about choice. We need to stop criticising other people’s life choices.” (Photo: Lucy Stephenson-Gill)

No one sees it as setting back feminism

82% of adults remember chores growing up, Described as a 'tradwife', A volatile childhood home, No one sees it as setting back feminism, The golden rule of home organisation, 'Christmases were so stressful', 'Putting the kitchen to bed', Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

Women and men who come to her to take part in her homemaking courses, which range from £43 to more than £200, simply want to make their lives less stressful. None see it as setting back feminism, she says. “I’ve always worked, but ultimately Simon’s the main breadwinner. If he’s going to be successful in his business, then I need to support him the right way. If he comes back from a business trip to chaos and an utterly frazzled wife, it’s not a great, happy environment for anyone,” she says. I think of a work trip Mark took when Juno, our youngest, was six months old. I was so overwhelmed after a few weeks that I wasn’t thinking about him: my main question was, “Where’s my support?” We’re out of the nappy years now, and Mark’s work trips don’t create pressure, but perhaps learning from Gray will help me adopt her generous mindset. (Photo: Camerique/ClassicStock/Getty)

The golden rule of home organisation

82% of adults remember chores growing up, Described as a 'tradwife', A volatile childhood home, No one sees it as setting back feminism, The golden rule of home organisation, 'Christmases were so stressful', 'Putting the kitchen to bed', Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

Organisation is at the heart of running a home, she believes. She says that when she first became a parent – even with all her housekeeping skills – she was “a hot mess” and learned to employ supreme organisation to reduce stress. “It was necessity,” she believes. “When you’ve got three tiny children, you can’t wing it.” I’ve arrived at her West Sussex cottage with my pad and my eight-year-old’s fluffy pastel-coloured pen; I couldn’t find my usual black biro when I was leaving home. I wonder if she thinks I’m a hot mess. “The golden rule of home organisation is that everything has a place – and goes back in its place,” she says kindly. “It’s about making your home work for you.” She explains that Kilner jars mean she automatically sees what needs restocking; she always batch-cooks so she can invite friends round spontaneously and they’ll be offered a good meal; she sits down with Simon every Sunday for 20 minutes to plan the week ahead. (Photo: Pixabay)

'Christmases were so stressful'

82% of adults remember chores growing up, Described as a 'tradwife', A volatile childhood home, No one sees it as setting back feminism, The golden rule of home organisation, 'Christmases were so stressful', 'Putting the kitchen to bed', Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

She learned from experience. “Those first, early Christmases were really horrible for me. I wanted it to be lovely, but it was so stressful, opening presents and building Lego while trying to peel potatoes. It didn’t feel wonderful, so I worked out ways to make it easier. I do everything ahead, including the roast potatoes, and freeze as much as possible. I can’t do it in real time because that makes me anxious and stressed – I don’t enjoy it.” These are skills she’s passing onto her own children. “We all live such busy lives that it’s easier as a parent just to do it yourself, rather than have a battle or a bit of mess [as they learn],” she believes. “But actually, asking your children for help frees up your time in the long term and is valuable for them: they’re involved in the home.” (Nicholas T. Ansell/PA)

'Putting the kitchen to bed'

82% of adults remember chores growing up, Described as a 'tradwife', A volatile childhood home, No one sees it as setting back feminism, The golden rule of home organisation, 'Christmases were so stressful', 'Putting the kitchen to bed', Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

I adopt Gray’s methods. Last Sunday, I sat down with Mark to run through our week ahead. We know how important scheduling is, so we’re not on the back foot all week; we even have recurring “scheduling” time in our shared diary. But it’s become increasingly haphazard lately, and chatting for 20 minutes about who is doing what gives me a sense of calm. We plan meals for the week together. I follow Gray’s advice to put out uniforms the night before, though no one manages to “put the kitchen to bed” – putting the children to bed is enough for us. I also get the children more involved in the running of the home. Xavi, six, and Juno, two, help fold the laundry. They love pairing the socks – it’s a surprisingly relaxed way to spend time together. Astrid, eight, makes her own packed lunch, with a bit of guidance, and is proud of her efforts. They’re looking forward to helping to make a Father’s Day roast this Sunday. While I’m yet to conquer everything being in its place, especially if that place is a Kilner jar, Gray’s techniques help me feel more prepared and less stressed, which gives me more time to enjoy being with my family. (Photo: Olly Curtis/T3 Magazine/Future via Getty)

Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

82% of adults remember chores growing up, Described as a 'tradwife', A volatile childhood home, No one sees it as setting back feminism, The golden rule of home organisation, 'Christmases were so stressful', 'Putting the kitchen to bed', Charlie Gray’s hacks for a calm home

Always batch cook: It’s little extra work to make extra portions of lasagnes and casseroles: you’ll thank yourself / Plan ahead for big events: If you’re having a party or are preparing for Christmas, you’ll have much more time to enjoy the event if you make food ahead, and freeze as much as possible. / Put the kitchen to bed at night: Never go to bed on an unwashed dish. Ideally, set it up for the next morning so you’ve got a guaranteed calm start to the day. / Get the children involved in homemaking: Teaching children to share the load is important for them and frees up your time long-term. / Clean rooms from top to bottom: Work your way around a room clockwise or anti-clockwise, getting into corners, from top to bottom, so all rubbish is on the floor by the time you vacuum. / Create cleaning routines: Charlie washes her bedsheets one day, her children’s on another day, and works her way methodically through the house each week: “Do things in bitesized, manageable pieces.” / Fold your sheets before washing them: “If you put sheets into the washing machine folded, they wash just as well but come out folded.” / Everything has a place: Make sure you return things to that place, so nothing gets lost in your home. (Photo: Juana Mari Moya/Getty/Moment RF)

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