At 33 I was almost friendless – until I started travelling without my husband

Gone are the days when my new best friend can be made by having the same colourful pencil sharpener in primary school or sitting beside one another in lectures. It’s even harder when you work from home. Sure, that has its perks, but as a freelance writer, my colleagues are non-existent. So, through general life osmosis, my friendship circle grew much smaller when I hit my late 20s. My inner circle found their way to other countries, making casual weekend hangouts impossible. Visits were planned a year in advance and my friendships looked more like phone calls and photos. I was lonely – until I found a travel hack that solved it. (Photo: The i)

Deciding to go it alone

I wish I could say that the decision to go on holiday without my husband arrived as an epiphany, a moment of feminist independence, in which I declared I was done with the normative notions that husbands and wives should always go away together. Instead, I came across a group tour to Namibia in 2022, a country I’d always wanted to visit. “How do you feel about a trip to Namibia?” I asked my husband. He paused. I was surprised – travel is kind of our thing, and the answer has always been “yes”. “I don’t think Namibia is on my radar,” he said. I entered pitch mode, showing him pictures of petrified trees in a desert salt pan. Quad biking the dunes beside the ocean. Whale watching. Desert sunrises. The Spitzkoppe rock formations. “Yeah, not really keen,” he said, doubling down. “But hey, why don’t you go?” (Photo: Getty)

At first it was terrifying

So I did, and at first it was terrifying. I forgot everyone’s names instantly, couldn’t recall what people did career-wise and wished for a colourful sharpener that would be an instant conversation starter. But half the hard work was already done. Everyone on that tour shared an interest with me: travel. Everyone who was there alone felt that a new experience in a new country was worth the discomfort of not knowing anyone else on the trip. So, despite being from different backgrounds with varied careers, we all had common ground. (Photo: Getty)

In the midst of making plans, we made friends

It was there that I met a woman named Vee. We’d chat for hours on the long coach rides between destinations and served as each other’s photographers. We stayed in touch after the tour, meeting up for a yap every few weeks, and now we’re about to go diving in the Maldives together in April. There were one or two couples on the tour, and they did exactly what I would have done were I travelling with my husband. On the bus, they sat together in a two-seater. When we made our own plans for meals, they wandered off on their own. They didn’t get nervous about who their room-share partner would be. The solo travellers had to make other plans. And in the midst of making plans, we made friends. (Photo: Getty)

I reconnected with the independent part of me

A year after Namibia, I did it again, this time heading to Morocco on a group tour and made more new friends – and have now inspired my husband to travel solo on a group tour of his own to Iceland. Lauren, who organised the Morocco group tour, has become another good friend, and we just spent Christmas Day with her and her partner. Through travelling without my husband, I was able to tick off destinations I’d always wanted to visit and I reconnected with the independent part of me that had become reliant on my partner’s organisational skills. Solo travel (albeit in a group setting) made me more confident. I struck up conversations with strangers, signed up for activities alone and got comfortable with my own company. (Photo: Getty)

My husband and I don’t lack quality time together

It didn’t end on the trip. I now chat to people I don’t know wherever I am, whether it’s a waiting room or a party. We’ve just moved cities and the prospect of having no friends in the town we moved to wasn’t daunting. Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet. My husband and I still love to travel together – we spent a bucket-list month in New Zealand in 2024, and we recently returned from a week in Thailand. We don’t lack quality time together, since we both work from home and spend all day in each other’s company. He’s my favourite person, and travelling with him is easy, but it doesn’t nudge me out of my comfort zone. (Photo: Getty)