Why Mel Schilling's light will never fade, writes former MAFS executive producer John Walsh

Her earlier cancer diagnosis had worsened, and, in her words, "my light is starting to fade."

Mel had quietly passed away in the company of her beloved husband Gareth and darling daughter Maddie.

Well, your light hasn't faded, Mel – and like those stars in distant galaxies whose light we still see centuries after their life force has been extinguished, you continue to shine bright and illuminate the dark recesses of those who knew you, loved you or admired you from afar.

Alessandra Rampolla, John Walsh, Mel Schilling and John Aiken are pictured.

Mel was all about women. She advocated for them and cared deeply about them.

During her 20 years as a psychologist and later as a dating and relationship expert, she empowered women to find their voice, championed healthy dating and encouraged financial independence.

Her own story further inspired women, especially those who found motherhood later in life. 

Mel had Maddie at 42 after IVF, then came MAFS.

So, now in her early 40s Mel was suddenly dealing with motherhood and a whole new career. 

As the network executive producer, I met Mel 10 years ago prior to production of the first "supersized" series of MAFS which premiered in January, 2017. 

By this time she had done two seasons of the much smaller observational documentary version of the show.

Now, the role of the experts (originally Mel, John Aiken and Trisha Stratford) was magnified and as the show's popularity soared, the experts found themselves under as much scrutiny as the participants. 

Mel, like the others, had to find her lane. It's a very difficult role: you have to have empathy but retain some distance, you have to be resolute but still understanding. 

The participants are not your clients but you need to advise and sometimes make the tough-love calls.

Mel quickly found her place. The women on the show really responded to her.

She took her time on the couch to draw them out and help them realise their worth and give them tools to help navigate a perilously public relationship being played out on TV.  

She wasn't afraid to call them out, though, for poor behaviour.

John is known for his well-documented slap downs of unacceptable conduct and Alessandra can reduce an alpha male to a beta with a single, withering look – but the worst thing of all for a female participant was for Mel to be disappointed in you. 

Letting down the sisterhood was a sin. 

Mel counselled that they were better than that. I remember one of her most memorable couch speeches during a Commitment Ceremony a few seasons ago after a run of poor behaviour by some women in the group. 

Mel managed to admonish them and lift them up at the same time.

"As a woman, I think it's important that we support each other, that we empower each other, that we don't compete with each other, that we give others an opportunity to shine just like we do and that does not take away any of our power."

How good's that?

There's a message that we can all take on board; man, woman or child. 

As good as she was at lifting women up, she wasn't afraid to stare down men behaving badly.

In Season 6 one of the husbands sitting opposite Mel on the couch referred to his wife as a c--t.

This triggered an angry response from Mel, "When you use language like that in relation to a woman, how do you expect her to respond to you? A tip from me to you: Don't use language like that if you want any chance of a relationship with a woman."

This scene caused an outcry but not the outcry you'd expect. Mel was publicly castigated on social media and even in sections of the mainstream media for calling out the male participant for his use of the C-word towards a woman. 

As incredible as it seems there was even a petition circulated with 50,000 signatures calling for her to apologise or be sacked.

Of course, neither of those things happened.

Mel never yielded from her position. The accusation was his wife had been treating him badly so his use of the word was justified. 

For Mel, it never was and never is.

Two years later, she published a book called the C-Word.

That was a cheeky nod to that incident but in fact was about a different C-word – confidence. The book was largely aimed at women but had a message for everyone: "Make friends with fear and build confidence from the ground up." 

Mel's passing this week has given many of us pause to think about legacy and what impact we can make with a single life. Mel can rest easy on that front. 

She has inspired countless women here and in the UK, where she was just as popular, to be their best self and that's a legacy that will have generational value.

My last correspondence with Mel was on February 23. I dropped her a note to say how brilliant she was at the latest Commitment Ceremony defending women.

She replied with a voice message which I won't share completely, but she thanked me for the note and said she appreciated it because "You know how important it is for me to really stand for women."

It was very hard playing that back today, and very hard to believe it was only a month ago.

Mel said in her final post that she will "fight to my last breath." That was the fight for her life. 

Mel, you don't need to fight any longer. 

If there's anything the rest of us can do it is to continue your other fight – defend and advocate for those who need it and rally against abuse and injustice.

So, in moments of doubt or fear or uncertainty, we can look for that light that has not faded, the star that has not dimmed. 

Thank you Mel. Rest in Peace.

John Walsh is the former executive producer of Married at First Sight Australia, serving the role for nine years.

Vale Mel Schilling (1972–2026).

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