Funny & Wise Quotes From 20+ Classic Comedians of the Past

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

From Bob Hope to Joan Rivers, take a look at what these clever comedians shared with the world.

1. Milton Berle

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."

2. Jack Benny

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter."

4. Rodney Dangerfield

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

5. W.C. Fields

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."

7. Groucho Marx

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others."

8. Henny Youngman

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"Take my wife… please!"

10. Don Rickles

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"I’m not really a mean person. I just enjoy making fun of things. People. Mostly people."

11. Red Skelton

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God."

13. Charlie Chaplin

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

14. Harpo Marx

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"The passing of time leaves everyone vulnerable, even the greatest clowns."

16. Danny Kaye

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can."

17. Sid Caesar

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius."

19. Ernie Kovacs

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done."

20. Flip Wilson

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"What you see is what you get!"

22. Ed Wynn

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"A comic says funny things; a comedian says things funny."

23. Steve Allen

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"Tragedy plus time equals comedy."

25. Bob Hope

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it."

26. Jackie Mason

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money."

28. Johnny Carson

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead."

29. Abbott (Bud Abbott)

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"I can't miss him. He's my straight man. And I never let him down."

31. Laurel (Stan Laurel)

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"A handshake or a friendly smile can make all the difference in the world."

32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

1. Milton Berle, 2. Jack Benny, 4. Rodney Dangerfield, 5. W.C. Fields, 7. Groucho Marx, 8. Henny Youngman, 10. Don Rickles, 11. Red Skelton, 13. Charlie Chaplin, 14. Harpo Marx, 16. Danny Kaye, 17. Sid Caesar, 19. Ernie Kovacs, 20. Flip Wilson, 22. Ed Wynn, 23. Steve Allen, 25. Bob Hope, 26. Jackie Mason, 28. Johnny Carson, 29. Abbott (Bud Abbott), 31. Laurel (Stan Laurel), 32. Hardy (Oliver Hardy)

"A lot of people fail because they expect great things, but forget the hard work."

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