Why every parent should watch KPop Demon Hunters with their children

What was the soundtrack to your summer? If you’re a parent, I’ll hedge a bet that it’s been dominated by Soda Pop, Golden and Takedown – the earwormery of the soundtrack to KPop Demon Hunters. In our house, it’s still on rotation as we enter autumn – I rarely notice the sound of the dishwasher and washing machine accompanying my typing. I hadn’t really noticed when my children first started talking about Demon Hunters, but now it’s got my full attention. I keep wondering how it must feel to be the executive at Sony who made the decision to sell it to Netflix for US$100m, just to watch it become the most watched movie in the streamer’s history, racking up more than 314 million views since its release in June. The songs from the film – an animated movie about a female K-pop group who double as secret guardians of the world – have risen to the top of Spotify’s US chart and are being sung in playgrounds across the globe. Every child I know can sing the words. (Photo: Netflix).

Children united

I was vaguely aware that my two eldest children were both choosing to watch the same thing – when usually, they struggle to find a compromise between Horrible Histories, Brainchild and Malory Towers on the one hand, and Pokemon, Pokemon and Pokemon on the other. But the storyline? I hadn’t bothered to find out. I wish I were a parent who vetted everything my children watch by previewing it but honestly, who has time? By avoiding YouTube and trusting other parents’ judgment, we’re usually on safe ground.

There's more to this film

It was only when the children kept talking about one of the Demon Hunters, Rumi, daring to reveal her true identity and her markings on her arms and neck that I figured out there is more to this film. It’s about being accepted and loved for who we are; not just our easy-to-love bits, but the parts we might feel more uncomfortable about, or of which we might feel ashamed. I find this subject really hard to approach as a parent because I’m so damn proud of my children just the way they are. Clinical psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy, who coined the phrase “sturdy parenting” and founded parenting coaching business Good Inside, is a fan of the film. (Photo: David McHugh/Brighton Pictures).

Psychologists approve

She told me: “It reminded me of certain classics like Frozen and The Lion King. While these three movies are all very different on the surface, they actually explore a remarkably consistent theme. Because whether it’s Rumi or Simba or Elsa, the question is always the same, and it’s actually the same question our kids ask all the time in their heads, and I think it’s still the question we walk around with as adults in the world: ‘If people really knew me – all of me – would they still love me? Do I have to keep parts of myself hidden to belong?’ In each storyline, the turning point comes when the character stops hiding and then discovers their connection grows stronger and not weaker. “KPop Demon Hunters takes this timeless struggle, and puts it in today’s world of group chats, social media and constant exposure, where shame doesn’t just whisper. Shame now has a megaphone. Our kids are going to be exposed to more than we ever were, things they are definitely not ready to come into contact with, and that part we can’t fully prevent." (Photo: Netflix).

'Finding your tribe'

But I think what matters most is whether our kids feel that they can bring those moments to us, or whether they feel like they have to hide them.” Child psychotherapist and author Becky Goddard-Hill agrees the film has important messages about “finding your tribe – those who accept you – and realising those unpalatable parts are what makes you human, and are part of your story and history,” she says. “You don’t have to pretend, and it’s those parts of you that probably taught you resilience. Being with the right team will make you stronger – people who love you for all of you.” She believes it’s important that young people see the “real people with real flaws, masking and hiding” behind each one of these K-Pop stars. (Photo: Netflix).

How to start the conversation

They both recommend using the film to start conversations about uncomfortable feelings. I talk about emotions frequently with my children: this week Xavi explained to me how he feels hot in his tummy if he’s told off and doesn’t think he did anything wrong, while Astrid told me she feels hot when she’s embarrassed and she wants to get away. “Name your own emotions too,” Goddard-Hill recommends. “If you’ve had a bad day – say I felt embarrassed, uncomfortable, annoyed – create a family where all emotions are welcome.” Goddard-Hill recommends that one of the best ways to talk about emotions with young people is to “enter [those children’s] world for a while”, whether this is KPop or something else. “I’ve worked with lots of young people who are into gaming and if they’re finding it hard to talk about feelings, sometimes the best way to get them to open up is to talk about gaming: what do they do when they get stuck? Do they give up, or ask their friends, or look online? Where are their sources of support?” (Photo: Ippei Naoi/Getty).

Looking out for new resources

So recently, when we were watching KPop together, sitting side-by-side, I encouraged a conversation. I’m conscious that we’ve never chatted about keeping parts of us hidden, nor how important acceptance of our whole self is. Astrid and Xavi loved explaining the plot to me, and the messages. “Even if you’re different, you can still be friends,” and: “You’re always special. You don’t need to hide yourself away,” they tell me. “Are there any bits of you that you hide, or would like to change?” I ask.