Funniest Thanksgiving Jokes of All Time
- 1) What key can’t open any doors?
- 2) What do you call a turkey who tells jokes?
- 3) Why did the pie go to the dentist?
- 4) Why don’t turkeys trust each other?
- 5) Why did the corn go to therapy?
- 6) What do you call a group of musical sweet potatoes?
- 7) What do you call a running turkey?
- 8) Why did the mashed potatoes go to therapy?
- 9) What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
- 10) Why did the turkey join the comedy club?
- 11) What’s the best way to fix a broken pumpkin?
- 12) Why did the cranberry blush?
- 13) What do you need to make Thanksgiving s'mores?
- 15) What's blue and covered in feathers?
- 17) What did the ocean say when it saw the Mayflower crossing?
- 18) Did you hear about the turkey that plays baseball?
- 20) What did the pilgrim wear to dinner?
- 21) What’s a pilgrim’s favorite dance?
- 22) Why do pilgrims' pants always fall down?
- 24) Did you hear the one about the rude turkey?
- 25) What did Dad say when he was asked to say grace?
- 26) Where did the Pilgrims stand after landing on Plymouth Rock?
- 27) What do you call rain on Turkey Day?
- 28) Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
- 29) Why was the turkey asked to join a band?
- 30) When are turkeys the most grateful?
- 31) Why didn't the pilgrim want to make the bread?
- 32) How do little pumpkins cross the road?
- 33) What Thanksgiving treat is the most popular at the kids' table?
- 34) Why should you never tell secrets in a cornfield?
- 35) What's something usually insulting, but not on Thanksgiving?
- 36) What's the best song to sing when preparing your turkey?
- 37) What should you expect at the end of Thanksgiving?
- 38) Did you hear about the scarecrow who won first prize?
- 39) Who should you invite to your Friendsgiving?
- 40) What sound does a turkey's phone make?
- 41) What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
- 44) Why is corn so popular on Thanksgiving?
- 45) Why did the turkey bring a microphone to dinner?
- 46) What's the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook?
- 47) What do you call a sad cranberry?
- 48) What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?
- 49) What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
- 50) What did the turkey say to the computer?
- 51) What is a pumpkin's favorite sport?
- 52) What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain?
- 53) What was the turkey suspected of?
- 54) What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
- 55) Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
- 56) What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?
- 57) What sound does a limping turkey make?
- 59) What do you call a holiday dinner without the parents?
- 60) What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
- 61) What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
- 62) What's a turkey's favorite Thanksgiving food?
- 63) What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
- 64) What’s the most musical part of a turkey?
- 65) When is the turkey soup bad for your health?
- 66) Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
- 67) What do you call a running turkey?
- 68) Why did the turkey cross the road?
- 69) What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
- 70) Knock Knock. Who's there? Tamara.
- 71) What do you call a pilgrim's vocabulary?
- 72) Why do turkeys gobble?
- 73) Kevin James
- 74) What's Frankenstein's favorite Thanksgiving dish?
- 75) Jim Gaffigan
- 76) Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
- 77) What kind of key can't open doors?
- 78) What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
- 79) How did the salt and pepper welcome all the guests?
- 81) When do you serve tofu turkey?
- 82) If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
- 83) What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
- 84) Why should you never set the turkey next to the dessert?
- 85) Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
1) What key can’t open any doors?
A turkey.
2) What do you call a turkey who tells jokes?
A comedi-hen.
3) Why did the pie go to the dentist?
It needed a filling.
4) Why don’t turkeys trust each other?
Too much fowl play.
5) Why did the corn go to therapy?
It had too many ears listening in.
6) What do you call a group of musical sweet potatoes?
A yam session.
7) What do you call a running turkey?
Fast food.
8) Why did the mashed potatoes go to therapy?
Too many mixed feelings.
9) What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
Lucky.
10) Why did the turkey join the comedy club?
He had a fowl sense of humor.
11) What’s the best way to fix a broken pumpkin?
Use a pumpkin patch.
12) Why did the cranberry blush?
It saw the turkey dressing.
13) What do you need to make Thanksgiving s'mores?
Pil-grahams.
15) What's blue and covered in feathers?
A turkey holding its breath.
17) What did the ocean say when it saw the Mayflower crossing?
Nothing. It just waved.
18) Did you hear about the turkey that plays baseball?
He covers first baste.
20) What did the pilgrim wear to dinner?
A (har)vest.
21) What’s a pilgrim’s favorite dance?
The turkey trot.
22) Why do pilgrims' pants always fall down?
Because they wear their buckles on their hats!
24) Did you hear the one about the rude turkey?
It was jerk-y.
25) What did Dad say when he was asked to say grace?
"Grace."
26) Where did the Pilgrims stand after landing on Plymouth Rock?
On their feet.
27) What do you call rain on Turkey Day?
Fowl weather.
28) Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
29) Why was the turkey asked to join a band?
He could bring his own drumsticks.
30) When are turkeys the most grateful?
The day after Thanksgiving.
31) Why didn't the pilgrim want to make the bread?
It's a crummy job.
32) How do little pumpkins cross the road?
With a crossing gourd.
33) What Thanksgiving treat is the most popular at the kids' table?
Crayon-berry sauce.
34) Why should you never tell secrets in a cornfield?
Because the corn has ears.
35) What's something usually insulting, but not on Thanksgiving?
A family member giving you the bird.
36) What's the best song to sing when preparing your turkey?
"All About That Baste."
37) What should you expect at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter “g.”
38) Did you hear about the scarecrow who won first prize?
It was outstanding in its field.
39) Who should you invite to your Friendsgiving?
Your close group of pal-grims.
40) What sound does a turkey's phone make?
"Wing, wing."
41) What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
Yammies.
43) What's one thing that you'll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving?
You'll both be filled with stuffing.
44) Why is corn so popular on Thanksgiving?
Because it’s a-maize-ing.
45) Why did the turkey bring a microphone to dinner?
He was ready for a roast.
46) What's the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook?
Pil-gram.
47) What do you call a sad cranberry?
A blueberry.
48) What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?
One has gobblers, the other goblins.
49) What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy.
50) What did the turkey say to the computer?
Google, google, google!
51) What is a pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
52) What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain?
Pil-grimace.
53) What was the turkey suspected of?
Fowl play.
54) What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
55) Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside!
56) What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?
A poultrygeist!
57) What sound does a limping turkey make?
Wobble, wobble!
58) What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.
59) What do you call a holiday dinner without the parents?
Friendsgiving.
60) What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
Your nose.
61) What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!
62) What's a turkey's favorite Thanksgiving food?
Nothing — It's already stuffed.
63) What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
64) What’s the most musical part of a turkey?
The drumstick.
65) When is the turkey soup bad for your health?
When you are the turkey.
66) Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
They use fowl language.
67) What do you call a running turkey?
Fast food.
68) Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off!
69) What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
The casse-role.
70) Knock Knock. Who's there? Tamara.
Tamara who? Tamara we'll have turkey leftovers!
71) What do you call a pilgrim's vocabulary?
Pilgrammar.
72) Why do turkeys gobble?
Because they never learned table manners.
73) Kevin James
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
74) What's Frankenstein's favorite Thanksgiving dish?
Monster mash potatoes and grave-y.
75) Jim Gaffigan
Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'
76) Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
It had 24 carrots.
77) What kind of key can't open doors?
A tur-key.
78) What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
Quack, quack!
79) How did the salt and pepper welcome all the guests?
By saying, “Seasoning’s greetings!”
81) When do you serve tofu turkey?
Pranksgiving.
82) If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
83) What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock.
84) Why should you never set the turkey next to the dessert?
Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
85) Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't chicken.
