The one decision I made that fixed my relationship

I can actually recall all the ingredients, The kitchen looked like it had been ransacked, Something had to change, Sexist? Maybe, Some might think I'm setting feminism back

You know those adverts on TV where the man is throwing things into a sizzling pan with wild abandon? Music jauntily plays while he’s lobbing in herbs and spices into the mix with confidence, and then presenting a beautiful meal to his other half? Well, that happening to me is about as likely as a pig flying past my window. (Photo: The i Paper)

I can actually recall all the ingredients

I can actually recall all the ingredients, The kitchen looked like it had been ransacked, Something had to change, Sexist? Maybe, Some might think I'm setting feminism back

You see, my husband, Cornel, has not cooked an entire meal for me in 15 years. The last time was on Valentine’s Day 2010. It is such a fixed, important date in my memory and our married calendar, that I can actually recall all the ingredients. It was salmon, wrapped in Parma Ham and with a light pesto sauce. It was delicious but God he went on about it. I think I spent the entire meal hearing him explaining every stage of the cooking process like he’d invented a rocket. (Photo: Sherry Galey/Getty)

The kitchen looked like it had been ransacked

I can actually recall all the ingredients, The kitchen looked like it had been ransacked, Something had to change, Sexist? Maybe, Some might think I'm setting feminism back

I’m not sure what annoyed me the most about this – the mess or the constant back-patting I had to do afterwards. Then months passed, and years. He never cooked for me again. And that is just the way I like it. You see, Cornel is about as helpful in the kitchen as a chocolate teapot. He cannot multitask and whenever he tried to cook it would lead to us arguing. On the rare occasion he tried to make (the kids, not me) a “curry” (which involves a jar of curry sauce thrown over some chicken) the kitchen looks like it’s been ransacked by a large animal. (Photo: Ian Nolan/Getty)

Something had to change

I can actually recall all the ingredients, The kitchen looked like it had been ransacked, Something had to change, Sexist? Maybe, Some might think I'm setting feminism back

We’d then bicker over the amount of crumbs left everywhere which negated any good humour resulting from the adequate meal. “Why can’t you do more?” I’d wail, juggling work, calls, the kids. But every time he took on the cooking it would be a disaster. Food everywhere, packets falling over, pans left unwashed. I’d end up having to take over, muttering to myself, and sulking for days that once again I was having to do it all. So we needed to fix something. (Photo: Getty)

Sexist? Maybe

I can actually recall all the ingredients, The kitchen looked like it had been ransacked, Something had to change, Sexist? Maybe, Some might think I'm setting feminism back

And so, we decided: I would cook. He would not. It’s just easier to do it all myself. Besides, he does other things. Lawn mowing, rubbish sorting, bins cleaning, external work such as tree branch trimming is all his domain. Sexist? Maybe. But I’d rather cook eternally than shove my manicured nails in murky rubbish bins and drag leaky bin bags out once a week. (Photo: Lyndon Stratford/Getty)

Some might think I'm setting feminism back

I can actually recall all the ingredients, The kitchen looked like it had been ransacked, Something had to change, Sexist? Maybe, Some might think I'm setting feminism back

Cornel is always thankful and polite too. He always thanks me for meals and tells me how grateful he is. So, while the idea of a husband not cooking a single meal for his wife in 15 long years might sound awful, dated and oh-so-sexist, I’m here to say I really don’t mind and don’t feel I’m setting feminism back 40 years, as some might think. (Photo: Getty)

It might not be everyone's cup of tea - but it fixed our relationship

I can actually recall all the ingredients, The kitchen looked like it had been ransacked, Something had to change, Sexist? Maybe, Some might think I'm setting feminism back

This “sexist” division of labour, despite not being everyone’s cup of tea, means we don’t have arguments. It’s fixed our relationship. I’d wager if more people were honest in marriage about what they are good at, rather than expecting to split every single thing 50-50 down the middle, there would be fewer arguments. (Photo: Getty)

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