What's the right age to get married?

Three couples, three age groups, one common theme – they found their happy ever after

Those enduring the dating scene could perhaps have guessed it, but new research now offers proof. When it comes to settling down, for an increasing number of young men, it is now more likely a case of “I don’t” rather than “I do”. Or at least “I don’t, yet…”

According to the report I Do?, from the Centre for Social Justice, the marriage rate among male pensioners is now a third higher than it is for men in their early 20s. Overall, marriage among men and women in their 20s has nosedived by 90 per cent over the last 50 years.

So what is the optimum age to settle down? Here, first-time male and female newlyweds aged from their 20s to their 60s discuss the decision to take the plunge, and life beyond the veil…

Twenties

‘Marrying young is like wearing a tailor-made suit’

‘Marrying young allows you to sculpt your life as a pair... We are starting from scratch and learning together,’ says Luke Plowman - John Lawrence

Luke Plowman, 25, from Chard, Somerset, who works in cyber security, married his wife Katherine in August 2022 when they were both 21. They now have a 20-month-old son, Harvey.

“Could it be moving a bit fast?” a few friends asked when we announced our engagement aged 20, with plans to marry the following year. Clearly, it isn’t the norm. But for us, it felt right.

We met at 18 through our siblings so spent a couple of years getting to know each other and then saw no reason to wait. We have a Christian faith and, while our decision to marry young wasn’t based on this, it did give us complete confidence in the decision.

Having a big family was our goal. We wanted to begin, and what I’ve found is, after marriage, living life is on a whole other level. I’ve found so much more enjoyment in life not just being about me.

I think a downside is you’re not fully emotionally mature at this age. You need to grow up quickly when you have a partner and family. But marrying young allows you to sculpt your life as a pair. It’s a bit like a tailor-made suit; it’s special and fits that much better than a ready-made suit you send for adjustments. We are starting from scratch and learning together.

It was nice being a blank canvas. We both moved out of home to live together, I then got my first job and we moved away, saved and bought a house. Few peers could afford that, but as a couple we managed it.

We travelled a bit in the first 18 months before Harvey, so we don’t feel we’re missing out on “living life” now. We are living life. And we know we’re young enough to look forward to life as a couple again when our children are grown up – before we enjoy our grandchildren.

Thirties

‘We know who we are and where we want to be’

‘We’ve experienced life single and won’t worry about missing out on the travelling and socialising we did in our 20s,’ says Ben McAleer - Rii Schroer/www.riischroer.com

Ben McAleer, 37, a sports journalist, married his wife Anna, 35, an executive assistant, in April 2023, after they bought their home in south-west London, and had their children, now aged 7 and 3, in their early 30s.

We aren’t a traditional couple. We met in 2015 online, not after locking eyes on a crowded commuter train. And perhaps it follows we were never conventionally set on getting married as the first step of settling down; we didn’t need that piece of paper to show our commitment.

We prioritised moving in together, buying a home and starting a family in our early 30s over organising a wedding. Our son was born in 2019 and our daughter followed in 2022. Then marriage felt like a natural next step.

We didn’t need to do it to demonstrate our dedication, but we thought it would be a nice way to show our children our commitment to each other. We never felt anything was missing. We knew we loved each other very much.

It’s also nice for us to share a surname as a family. It perhaps holds more meaning to marry after having children, living life a little, and having seen each other at our best and worst.

I think our families were waiting for it to happen. On our wedding day, Anna’s father joked “about time”. But what you want in your 20s might change. In our 30s we know who we are and where we want to be; we’ve experienced life single and won’t worry about missing out on the travelling and socialising we did in our 20s. However, we are still young enough to have lots of life together ahead of us as a couple and a family.

Forties

‘My mum used to joke I was the runaway bride’

‘I was at a stage where I wanted security. Being honest, there was a practical motive,’ says Melina Campbell - Matt Writtle

Melina Campbell, 48, a retailer from Olney, Buckinghamshire, married husband Daniel, 50, an executive manager, last December. It was the first marriage for both of them.

My mum used to joke that I was the runaway bride. I was actually engaged three times when I was younger, we just never got to the wedding. In hindsight, I think I was just doing it because I thought I should, from societal pressure.

I used to work as a corporate flight attendant, travelling the world. I don’t think I really did want to settle down, even though I thought I should. Now I’m glad I didn’t.

Daniel and I first knew each other as teenagers and went out for a year. It was only by chance 10 years ago we met again when I was living in Cyprus and he was there on holiday. We eventually moved in, and two years ago he proposed. This time it felt right.

I was at a stage where I wanted security. To be honest, there was a practical motive. We wanted legal stability; to know we would each be OK financially if something happened to the other. Marriage was a rubber stamp. But having that piece of paper really did make a big difference.

The morning afterwards I just felt different. I always questioned what impact marriage would make, surely it was just a piece of paper? In my head it was no big deal. But when I woke I felt calm and safe, and even more deeply in love. I do actually look at him differently. I feel responsible for him and him for me in a way we hadn’t felt before.

At this age, we knew we wanted to be together forever. I do believe, because people change as they get older, that if I had married younger it may have ended in divorce.

Our wedding day was so joyful. My cousin said it was the best wedding he’d been to because of the love he felt between us. I think it means more at this age, it’s more real somehow.

Fifties

‘I loved my wedding so much I’m becoming a celebrant’

‘At this age you’ve been through a lot of living and feel settled in yourself. I wouldn’t have brought that to the marriage in my 30s,’ says Tracy Preece - Lorne Campbell/Guzelian

Tracy Preece, 57, a sports therapist from Rotherham, South Yorkshire, married for the first time in July 2024 to husband Terry, 69.

We were at home having dinner when Terry casually slid a ring box over. I was shocked – but it was wonderful. He had picked a beautiful diamond solitaire – but most of all, I was surprised by just how much that sign of commitment meant to me.

My cousin’s reaction summed things up. “Gosh, you said you’d never get married!” It’s true, marriage was never on my radar. I just didn’t see it as a necessity when I was younger. I was independent and feared losing that – and if I did want to commit to someone, I felt I didn’t need a piece of paper. So I had relationships, and lived with a partner once, but never aimed for wedding bells.

I continued to feel the same when Terry and I got together in 2012. He has been married before and has a son, and we didn’t move in together until 2019. But soon afterwards I was diagnosed with breast cancer and maybe that was when things shifted.

I began to feel I wanted to belong to someone. I also realised how nice it is to announce “this is a solid relationship”. Marrying didn’t feel such a scary thing any more. It’s not that you lose anything; I’ve gained strength from becoming a unit.

But I still think this was the right time to do it. At this age you’ve been through a lot of living and feel settled in yourself. I wouldn’t have brought that to the marriage in my 30s. I also think if I’d got married younger I might have been stifled.

Our wedding day was heartfelt, and our elderly mums were thrilled. I enjoyed it so much I’m now planning to become a wedding celebrant! I want others to experience the same joy.

Sixties

‘At this age marriage isn’t something we need, it’s what we want’

‘Marriage is simply an expression of our love,’ says Zelda Bridge - Tony Buckingham

Florist Zelda Bridge, 60, from Southend-on-Sea, Essex, is set to marry for the first time this summer after fiancé David Relfe, 63, proposed two years ago.

I can honestly say I only see one downside to marrying at this age, and that’s worrying I won’t look so pretty in the photos! In every other way it’s right for me.

As a child, I said I didn’t want to marry, and when I had a long-term relationship and two children I turned down his proposal. It just didn’t feel right, and at that time I had this feeling I didn’t want to conform. It felt like marriage would mean compromising and being beholden.

Seven years ago when I was single again I met David, who’s been married before, on a dating app, but we didn’t get together until 2020. Six months in, we started renovating a house together – something we now share as a living – so we felt committed, but gradually I started to feel like I wanted to be married. He proposed in a restaurant two years ago and I had no hesitation.

I think I’m a different person now. I’ve matured. I still want to have fun but I’d rather have it with David. With the right person you don’t feel hemmed in but I’m still not sure if I’d have wanted marriage if I’d met him younger. Now, marriage isn’t something we need, it’s something we want; it’s simply an expression of our love.

Getting married later, you definitely know what you want and what you don’t. You’re more confident in your decisions and you make them for the right reasons, not to keep people happy or provide security for children. I know David really wants to be with me, he’s not biding time, and that’s a really lovely feeling. We aren’t doing it for financial reasons or anything else.

What’s also lovely is I can have my two children and three grandchildren there. My youngest daughter will sing as I walk down the aisle, my son-in-law is giving me away, and my three granddaughters will be bridesmaids.

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