I bought my 11 year old anti-ageing skincare – I’ll never do it again

Sephora on a Saturday afternoon is something else. The beauty store is rammed with small girls clutching shopping baskets, their ponytails swinging side to side. It’s a dystopian vision of the future – these girls (some I reckon as young as five) sharing the shopping experience of mid-life women, purchasing anti-ageing potions. Their faces are flushed with excitement, the healthy, rosy, glow that only children seem to possess, and wears off as “the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune” – one of my favourite Hamlet quotes – play their part in ageing. People have been ageing forever. It’s not new. It’s also entirely natural (despite what big brands try to tell you). Women in particular have been demonised for allowing it to happen: you won’t see many Disney baddies with smooth skin and sparkling eyes – villains are old women with lines on their faces. (Photo: Tom Pilston).

Trends have changed

I grew up in the late 80s – we experimented with make up but didn’t have a clue. We wore blue mascara, orange cover sticks that made our spots more obvious if anything, glittery No 7 eye shadows from our mum’s make up bags. We’d never have used skincare. Now that’s all changed. My eldest daughter, 12, is far more sophisticated, has bypassed the embarrassing make up phase and gone straight to catwalk model. And like all her friends, she’s been hooked by the new trend for luxury skincare targeted at young girls. I’ve worked in the beauty industry – I know that much of the “science” behind these brands isn’t proven. That much of it is just nice packaging and the desire to look like a celebrity. I also know that kids didn’t need these multi-stage skincare routines. (Photo: Jelly Bundle).

Influenced by social media and peer pressure

But reader, I fell for the pester power. I fell for it hard. Last year, I ended up buying some of these brands for my 12 year old for her birthday and for Christmas. Her friends were getting this stuff, putting eye cream on their Christmas lists, and I was too cowardly to push back. I was also tired. And I felt guilty because I have long been obsessed with beauty products myself. This obsession started when I got into my thirties and now in my early 50s, I am in the hag demographic for sure. How come my kids are interested? A recent YouGov poll revealed that 46 per cent of children aged 6-11 have an active social media account. Beauty tutorial content and Gen A influencers sharing their latest make up tips are available on YouTube. There is also peer pressure. There are several reasons why I regret letting my daughter have this stuff so early. Firstly it’s expensive. Like really expensive. So even the brands that are aiming at young girls; a moisturiser will easily set you back £15. In Space NK and Sephora they’re selling mini products like blusher for £20. (Photo: Tom Pilston).

Products can be harmful to young skin

Then there’s the fact that the ingredients aren’t good for young skin. Things like exfoliators and retinols can be particularly detrimental. Then of course there’s the accelerated leap into adulthood that happens when you get kids who should be climbing trees (okay a bit too utopian) fixated on the size of their pores. Or whether their foreheads are too shiny. I hate to say it but – WE ALL KNOW IT – the flush in their cheeks should come from running around, not some luxury blusher they don’t need. But it continues: most of her friends got vanity tables for Christmas last year. Mine has a desk instead and is peeved. “A desk is much more useful as you’re going to be studying,” I said in a passive aggressive motherly tone, trying to convince her that learning how to meticulously apply foundation was perhaps not the best use of her time unless she wanted to be a make up artist (she does not). (Photo: FG Trade Latin/Getty).

The 'ice cream test'

We haven’t given in. Not yet. Is there a way to hold the line? Parenting expert, Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom gives this advice: “It can be hard to say no, especially when they desperately want something. Try not to be rushed into a decision. Say that you will think about it and buy yourself some time. If you decide on reflection that you don’t think it is a good idea, then try to sit comfortably in that decision even if it disappoints your child. It is not your job to make your child happy at all times. Try thinking about a time when you do feel comfortable setting a boundary. I call this the ice cream test. If your daughter had already had an ice cream and she wanted another one, you’d probably feel quite comfortable saying no, even if it provoked a tantrum. Label the skincare products in your head as ice cream. Just because she wants them, doesn’t mean they are a good idea.” The problem with this trend is that we look around and it’s normalised. I’ve seen other mothers following their young daughters around Sephora – they look stricken, like they don’t think it’s okay, but are conscious of a backlash. However as Anita says – our mission is not to make our children happy whatever the cost. (Photo: Tom Pilston).

Are we carrying unprocessed trauma?

We may be carrying some unprocessed trauma junk from our own childhoods. I was often the one with the second hand shoes or the wrong bag at school and so I have tried to help my kids “fit in'” Anita elaborates: “We are a generation of parents who are hyper-sensitive to our children being left out or not having the same things as everyone else. That attitude might work in simpler times but in a time of unfettered consumerism and abundant availability, it’s going to bankrupt you. Research shows that it is important for children to be able to go with the flow and fit in with their peers but they also need to be able to take a stand and go against the consensus when it matters or when their peer group is doing something that doesn’t fit with their values.” (Photo: Tom Pilston).

Beauty is just one small part of life

This Christmas I’ve been clear with my eldest that I won’t be buying her skincare. She has a small allowance and if she wants to buy products then she has to save. Interestingly on our most recent trip to a beauty store, she didn’t seem as interested – she also commented on some other customers being as young as her younger sister (maybe this is the way to turn tweens off? In a few months it would be babies in buggies holding up mini-eye creams). Anita is clear that the only way to fight against pester power is clarity: “When it comes to Christmas, set a budget per child and stick to it. Factor in that they are likely to also receive gifts from wider family. If tweens are making a list, get them to research costs and come up with a selection of ideas at different prices”. Beauty is just one facet of our lives. The vanity table isn’t forthcoming. I am possibly not the most popular mum. I can live with that. (Photo: Tom Pilston).