Readers share why these 4 wedding etiquette rules no longer apply
For starters, please don’t bring gifts to the reception.
If there’s anything we editors have learned in our time at Southern Living, it’s that our readers are a very opinionated group of people. (Just ask our senior food editor Josh Miller about the time he suggested adding bourbon to your greens… I’m still praying for his emotional recovery.) One of the things y’all love to discuss most are matters relating to Southern manners and etiquette, from whether or not you should show up to family holidays with a host gift to which etiquette rules are outdated. Regardless of the topic, we can always count on you to set us straight. Recently, we asked our readers about which wedding etiquette rules have fallen out of fashion. Here’s what y’all had to say.
Wedding Etiquette Rules Our Readers Say Are Outdated
When it comes to these practices, our readers say it's time for a more flexible and modern approach.
Having a Receiving Line
While you may find that a tradition-loving couple will still opt-in to the classic receiving line at the entrance to the reception, many newlyweds are choosing to skip it in favor of other means of welcome. “Always hated [receiving lines],” wrote one reader. “When I got married and my daughters got married, they went to each table and personally thanked everyone for coming.”
Greeting your guests remains all-important, but the means of doing so has become more flexible. Plus, with the increase of welcome parties hosted the night before and cocktail hours at the start of the reception, there are now more opportunities than ever to make sure each guest is warmly acknowledged over the course of the wedding weekend.
Who Hosts the Shower
“The mother of the bride or groom would never throw the wedding shower. Now it’s okay,” acknowledged one reader. While bridal showers were historically thrown by aunts, cousins, and friends rather than the bride’s immediate family members, the rules have relaxed—and for good reason. Many brides may not have extended family or close friends nearby, or they may feel most comfortable being celebrated by their moms, siblings, or mothers-in-law-to-be. Regardless of who’s hosting, if you’re invited to the shower, attend gratefully and without judgment—and purchase something from the registry.
Bringing Gifts to the Reception
Once upon a time, you may have entered a wedding reception to find a table piled high with gifts and cards. These days, that’s largely fallen by the wayside in favor of more convenient options: “It’s all shipped through [the] registry or brought to [a] shower,” a reader wrote.
I’m admittedly a modern bride (my husband and I got married in 2023), but to me, ditching this tradition seems like a smart move towards practicality and convenience. For starters, a pile of presents at the reception requires the couple’s families to end their night loading up cars rather than heading straight home to put their feet up and enjoy more time together. Also, in this scenario, it seems more likely that a tag or card would go missing and the giver may never receive proper thanks (a major no-no!).
Who Pays for the Wedding
While tradition dictates that the bride’s family should foot the bill for wedding festivities (and plenty still do), lots of modern celebrations are hosted and paid for by both families or even by the couple themselves. “Everyone pulls together,” wrote one reader. Given that everyone’s financial circumstances and priorities are different, this is one etiquette rule it just makes sense to lose.
Wedding Etiquette Rules Our Readers Wish Would Make A Comeback
While there was plenty of conversation about which rules could go, y’all were more eager to discuss those two matters of wedding etiquette that you near-unanimously agreed have been forgotten, but shouldn’t be: thank-you notes and proper wedding attire.
Thank You Notes
The disappearance of this etiquette practice garnered the most laments from our readers: “Thank you notes seem to be going out of everyone’s good manners. Not just weddings. I say, if you’re not sending notes out, at least a simple text, call, or just a grunt is better than nothing at all,” wrote one reader. Beyond just being a matter of “good manners,” she outlined a more practical reason for the notes: “Some gifts arrive by mail/carrier, and we all know how that isn’t 100% these days. The person sending should get the respect of knowing it actually arrived at your door, without having to call you to make sure.”
We’re 100% with y’all on this one! If someone takes the time to send a gift or attend your celebration, a thank-you note is most certainly in order. Yes, writing them may become a part-time job if you’re throwing a large wedding, but you’ll never regret sending the thank-you note. And if you’re struggling to find the motivation, consider writing them an opportunity to reflect on all the people who care about you. Lucky, lucky you!
Proper Wedding Attire
Another common complaint? That folks just don’t know how to dress for weddings anymore. “I see people show up in shorts and tank tops, and I’ve actually seen this done at funerals too,” wrote one reader. We’ll save funeral etiquette for another day, but weddings are special occasions that should be treated with the utmost care and respect—and that includes your outfit choices. Be sure to choose an ensemble that fits the venue, weather, and most importantly, the couple’s requested dress code.
Even so, there are some wedding attire guidelines that have become less rigid in the past several years: Wearing black is now considered perfectly appropriate (so long as it’s not an afternoon garden party), as is red (so long as the dress is not such a flashy silhouette that it steals focus from the bride). Ivory, cream, and white are still off-limits, though, unless the bride specifically requests it.
