I’m a relationship psychologist – my seven questions for a lasting marriage

1) How to handle finances, 2) Happiness with levels of intimacy, 3) Stress levels, 4) Dreams and how to achieve them, 5) How are you, health-wise?, 6) Comfort around boundaries, 7) What will be our shared goals?, The best advice varies from couple to couple

A relationship psychologist has revealed the seven questions you should ask your spouse every January to ensure you have a lasting marriage. Dr Kathy Nickerson, 51, says a successful relationship doesn't happen by chance - both partners have to put work in to keep it strong. The clinical psychologist from Orange County, California, said one way to maintain its strength is by sitting down together for an annual 'audit' of the relationship. She said in the discussion, couples should "talk through seven key domains of connection". This is particularly important at the start of the year - Ministry of Justice data shows divorce application rates are higher in the first three months of the year than any other period, across the UK. Dr Kathy said: "Asking these questions once a year keeps couples aligned, supported, and moving in the same direction." (Photo: SWNS)

1) How to handle finances

1) How to handle finances, 2) Happiness with levels of intimacy, 3) Stress levels, 4) Dreams and how to achieve them, 5) How are you, health-wise?, 6) Comfort around boundaries, 7) What will be our shared goals?, The best advice varies from couple to couple

The first topic on the 'relationship audit' agenda should be finances - as you discuss and ask questions about your plans for the year ahead, specifically 'How will we handle our finances this year and how did we find the past year?' Dr Kathy said you should ask about what makes you feel secure, how much 'cushion' you feel comfortable with, and what will happen if money gets tight. She said: "Resentment around finances can be corrosive - unspoken frustration often grows into contempt. Talking now protects connection later." (Photo: BrianAJackson/Getty)

2) Happiness with levels of intimacy

1) How to handle finances, 2) Happiness with levels of intimacy, 3) Stress levels, 4) Dreams and how to achieve them, 5) How are you, health-wise?, 6) Comfort around boundaries, 7) What will be our shared goals?, The best advice varies from couple to couple

Dr Kathy said intimacy is an essential discussion point - in terms of emotional closeness, physical intimacy and feeling loved. She advised you ask each other how you've been feeling, what do you want more or less of, and how you can make each other feel more cherished. (Photo: Getty)

3) Stress levels

1) How to handle finances, 2) Happiness with levels of intimacy, 3) Stress levels, 4) Dreams and how to achieve them, 5) How are you, health-wise?, 6) Comfort around boundaries, 7) What will be our shared goals?, The best advice varies from couple to couple

Stress can be another discussion often avoided by partners, but it affects patience, desire, kindness, sleep, and communication, Dr Kathy said. She advised: "Ask each other: On a scale of 1-10, how stressed have you been? What would help you feel better, calmer, more supported?" (Photo: Getty)

4) Dreams and how to achieve them

1) How to handle finances, 2) Happiness with levels of intimacy, 3) Stress levels, 4) Dreams and how to achieve them, 5) How are you, health-wise?, 6) Comfort around boundaries, 7) What will be our shared goals?, The best advice varies from couple to couple

She said you should also discuss dreams - because this can build "connection and meaning". You should ask each other what your recent dreams have included, and discuss what steps you could take as a couple to move closer to that dream. (Photo: Richard Drury/Getty)

5) How are you, health-wise?

1) How to handle finances, 2) Happiness with levels of intimacy, 3) Stress levels, 4) Dreams and how to achieve them, 5) How are you, health-wise?, 6) Comfort around boundaries, 7) What will be our shared goals?, The best advice varies from couple to couple

And you should discuss health - physical, emotional and mental wellbeing - which can include sleep, stress, exercise, mood, boundaries, balance. Dr Kathy said: "Ask each other: How have you been caring for your mind and body? What do you crave more of - rest, joy, time, exercise?" (Photo: Alamy/PA)

6) Comfort around boundaries

1) How to handle finances, 2) Happiness with levels of intimacy, 3) Stress levels, 4) Dreams and how to achieve them, 5) How are you, health-wise?, 6) Comfort around boundaries, 7) What will be our shared goals?, The best advice varies from couple to couple

A discussion that often goes neglected is boundaries - which can be a tricky conversation but ultimately can protect relationships "from resentment and exhaustion". She said you should ask each other if any relationship, activity or expectation feel overwhelming or uncomfortable - and how that could be addressed and fixed. "Everyone needs to feel safe, respected, and prioritised." (Photo: Getty)

7) What will be our shared goals?

1) How to handle finances, 2) Happiness with levels of intimacy, 3) Stress levels, 4) Dreams and how to achieve them, 5) How are you, health-wise?, 6) Comfort around boundaries, 7) What will be our shared goals?, The best advice varies from couple to couple

And the final discussion point, which Dr Kathy says is critically important - is coming up with a shared goal to achieve for the year ahead. She said you should make a plan as a team for how to achieve that too. "When couples succeed together, connection deepens. You become teammates working toward the same finish line." (Photo: MicroStockHub/Getty)

The best advice varies from couple to couple

1) How to handle finances, 2) Happiness with levels of intimacy, 3) Stress levels, 4) Dreams and how to achieve them, 5) How are you, health-wise?, 6) Comfort around boundaries, 7) What will be our shared goals?, The best advice varies from couple to couple

The expert said she's often asked which of the topics is most important - but there is no single right answer, as it varies from couple to couple. She said: "Anything that protects safety - emotional, physical, or financial - is foundational. Without safety, openness is impossible. But dreams may be the most energising conversation, they keep relationships forward-moving, exciting, and full of hope. Share openly, listen generously, validate feelings, and reassure each other often. Strong relationships aren't built in grand gestures - they’re built in the conversations we are brave enough to have." (Photo: SWNS)

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