Single women are scientifically happier – but I still want a relationship

It's not disempowering to admit I'd like a relationship, Single people's happiness only increases over time, It's not love that's the problem: it's societal and gender norms, Singlehood is the default state for self-respect, Finding a relationship is not an easy task, I’m a certified, incurable lovergirl

There has literally never been a better time to be single. We’re in the midst of a burgeoning single positivity movement, women are decentering relationships, boyfriends have been officially hailed cringe, TikTokkers are documenting their experiences of going “boysober”. Personally, I’m thrilled. I’ve been happily unpartnered for the past 15 years, living life on my own terms, revelling in my solo status, focusing on myself and growing into the person I once dreamed of becoming. To me, being single represents freedom, self-respect, peace, blissful independence, and empowerment. And I love to see other women celebrating singlehood as the valid (and wonderful) life choice that it is. (Photo: Stephen Lawrence/ Snap It Now)

It's not disempowering to admit I'd like a relationship

It's not disempowering to admit I'd like a relationship, Single people's happiness only increases over time, It's not love that's the problem: it's societal and gender norms, Singlehood is the default state for self-respect, Finding a relationship is not an easy task, I’m a certified, incurable lovergirl

Two things can be true at once, though. I love singleness and all the gifts it has brought me. But there’s also a part of me that would like romantic love in my not-so-distant future. And I don’t think it’s disempowering to admit that – quite the contrary. I don’t just want a partner for the sake of having one, or because society expects that from me, and I’m certainly not dating to fill a void that my singleness has left in my life. There is no gaping chasm of emptiness, my life is complete just as it is. But a relationship, and crucially, one that’s founded on respect, equality, honesty, kindness, reciprocity, friendship, and romance… well, that appeals to me. (Photo: Getty)

Single people's happiness only increases over time

It's not disempowering to admit I'd like a relationship, Single people's happiness only increases over time, It's not love that's the problem: it's societal and gender norms, Singlehood is the default state for self-respect, Finding a relationship is not an easy task, I’m a certified, incurable lovergirl

The case for remaining single is strong. Statistically, single people are no longer outliers. Long-term data points to a rise in singlehood: never-married singles now account for a greater share of the adult population than at any point in modern UK history. Gone are the days when single women were viewed as tragic figures, who’ll grow older into lonely and unloved spinsters. Psychologist Dr. Bella DePaulo, one of the world’s leading experts on single life, tells me that “single people who choose to be single are the happiest single people”. And not only that: their happiness only increases over time, “bursting that myth that you’re gonna grow old and be so sad and lonely”. (Photo: Getty)

It's not love that's the problem: it's societal and gender norms

It's not disempowering to admit I'd like a relationship, Single people's happiness only increases over time, It's not love that's the problem: it's societal and gender norms, Singlehood is the default state for self-respect, Finding a relationship is not an easy task, I’m a certified, incurable lovergirl

Single women report having greater psychological wellbeing and life satisfaction than those in a relationship. In heterosexual relationships, the unequal division of labour in the home is one of the primary reasons for partnered women’s unhappiness. Research shows that straight women still perform more unpaid care and housework than men, making them unhappy and dissatisfied in their relationships. It’s not love that’s the problem: it’s societal and gender norms within relationships that urgently need to change. Why the hell would I want to trade in my delightful single life for a lifetime of drudgery and misery? (Photo: Getty)

Singlehood is the default state for self-respect

It's not disempowering to admit I'd like a relationship, Single people's happiness only increases over time, It's not love that's the problem: it's societal and gender norms, Singlehood is the default state for self-respect, Finding a relationship is not an easy task, I’m a certified, incurable lovergirl

Well, I don’t. If I don’t find a relationship that is founded on fairness and mutual care – and remains as such throughout – then I’m more than happy to stay single for the rest of my life. And I think that should be the bar for single straight women like myself. That doesn’t make long-term singlehood the consolation prize for not finding the perfect relationship. It makes it the default state for self-respect. (Photo: Getty)

Finding a relationship is not an easy task

It's not disempowering to admit I'd like a relationship, Single people's happiness only increases over time, It's not love that's the problem: it's societal and gender norms, Singlehood is the default state for self-respect, Finding a relationship is not an easy task, I’m a certified, incurable lovergirl

The task of finding that relationship is not an easy one. As someone who wrote a book about the state of dating right now and just how hard it is, I know the Sisyphean challenge I’m facing. Around 80 per cent of millennial and Gen Z daters feel burnt out by dating apps. Just a few days ago, I found myself in tears, worn down by recent bad experiences on the apps. But at the very same time, the romantic in me longs for a life-enriching connection. (Photo: Getty)

I’m a certified, incurable lovergirl

It's not disempowering to admit I'd like a relationship, Single people's happiness only increases over time, It's not love that's the problem: it's societal and gender norms, Singlehood is the default state for self-respect, Finding a relationship is not an easy task, I’m a certified, incurable lovergirl

Perhaps, dear reader, you’ll think me a dreamer with unrealistic expectations. That may be so. It’s true that I’ve read too many friends-to-lovers romance novels to count and I rewatch Pride and Prejudice (2005) multiple times a year. I’m a certified, incurable lovergirl with no hope of recovering. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be,” people in relationships have told me. And that’s why I think it’s important to wait for the right relationship – one that enriches my life, rather than depletes it. But if it doesn’t happen, I won’t be missing out. My life is already complete just as it is. (Photo: Getty)

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