I went on a bar crawl with 10 single women tired of dating apps
I am standing on a street lined with pubs next to 10 women I know barely anything about, except that they are all single. We’re not here just to drink wine; we are on a shared mission to find men we find attractive and approach them.
It is a prospect made less daunting by the fact that we are being guided by social media sensation and modern-day matchmaker Miranda Pilkington, who is armed with a trench coat and a dream to get more single people flirting in the real world.
I spot a tall man with a great jawline, sipping on a Guinness. I’m close enough to hear his beautiful Irish accent, too. I’m too scared to say hello, but the night is young…
The venture began when Pilkington became tired of being let down by dating apps, with matches rarely materialising into actual dates. “I met my ex on Hinge when it was fresh, but dating apps are now used for validation. I am guilty myself. I use it to swipe like any other social media, then put it back in my pocket,” she explains.
Even when meet-ups were arranged, it was soon apparent that they weren’t her sort of person. “They would often be weird, like an intense guy from Bumble who called to ask, ‘What are we?’ one day after we met. I had to block him.”
Determined to change her own luck, the 26-year-old set out to source romantic partners the old-fashioned way, by putting down her phone and walking up to men at bars. She convinced her single friends to join her on a bar crawl in St Paul’s, London, on a warm Thursday evening last July. They didn’t find their soulmates, but they did have a lot of fun interacting with innumerable strangers.
“When you meet someone in real life, you can tell within two minutes whether there’s a vibe,” she says. “Online, you have to swipe, match, have a conversation, then go on the date, and if you don’t like them, you’re back at square one.”
Miranda Pilkington wanted to help women find love away from dating apps (Photo: Miranda Pilkington)
For a bit of a laugh, she filmed their exploits and uploaded them to social media. The comments section quickly filled with fellow singletons applauding the activity, so Pilkington continued filming her weekly searches under the title “Scouting for Sexies”.
“It became more than just a funny series, growing into a community of women fed up with bad dates,” she shares.
As more people want to stop swiping and start swooning – the top 10 dating apps all reported usage drop by an average of 16 per cent, according to a report published by Ofcom in November 2024 – Pilkington’s inbox became filled with hundreds of people asking to join her unique bar crawls.
She had no experience in events – her career was in marketing – but she felt comfortable “making things up as I went along”. She invited a handful of strangers to join her on a bar crawl through Soho and used her skill set to everyone’s advantage.
“I have always been able to go up to men,” she says. “I am known for it in my friendship group. My attitude is: ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ They will just say: ‘I am in a relationship,’ or they’ll work their way out of the conversation if they’re not interested.”
The women are encouraged to give their numbers to me they like the look of (Photo: Josie Copson)
Pilkington now has more than 60,000 TikTok followers and organises paid-for singles events (the crawls remain free). She has helped many women gain the confidence to walk up to people they fancy, and her crawls have been the birthplace of actual relationships – no easy feat in the current dating climate, where being single is the new norm: it is predicted that single-person dwellings will account for 33 per cent of all households in England by 2032.
To see how she facilitates these romantic interactions, I joined Pilkington at her Galentine’s special, which is how I find myself in the city on a Thursday night. Each of those joining me was selected from a 4,000-person Instagram group chat.
Our only previous interactions were on Instagram messenger chat about what to wear (trainers are fine, but boots and a skirt are also presented as a good option), so we cautiously get to know each other at the Sugarloaf pub in the financial district.
Once names, ages (everyone is in their twenties) and jobs are exchanged, things get less polite. The women take turns divulging their dating histories. One woman has recently come out of a long-term relationship, and another expresses frustration that she just wants someone to flirt with but struggles even to get a match on the apps.
Valentine’s cards given by Miranda (Photo: Josie Copson )
Soon, Pilkington sweetly hands out Valentine’s cards, lip glosses, and Scouting for Sexies “business cards”. The reverse has space to add our numbers alongside the words: “Hey, I think you’re cute. Text me x.”
As we move to Leadenhall Market, Pilkington doesn’t pressure the women to speak to men, but is on hand to gently egg on anyone who expresses interest.
“Do not think that you’re trying to get anything out of the conversation, and that the person needs to be your husband – just ask them some questions,” she advises.
Expanding on her wisdom, she explains, “We don’t see rejection in real life anymore – it is behind a screen, so people are really terrified to experience it, and it is stopping them from having conversations. But putting yourself in situations where you might get rejected is actually a good, normal thing.”
From what I can see, the guys absolutely love it. The initial shock that women are coming up to them turns into pure glee. Some look like they’ve won the lottery, and friends even pat each other on the back in celebration. When Pilkington records interactions, the men play up to the camera, smiling and waving. Some even approach her, recognising her from viral videos and requesting to be filmed.
But while it seems entirely positive on the streets, online, things are different. “I’ll get comments from guys saying: ‘What if this was the other way round?’” says Pilkington. “But it has always been the other way around! Women have been taught that men are the ones who are meant to approach them. This is just permitting women to do the same thing.”
Miranda hypes up the women in the group (Photo: Miranda Pilkington)
As for the women, they are smiling from ear to ear, returning to the communal table with numbers or drinks. “It is so lovely to see that I can help women push themselves out of their comfort zone. I’ve had women thank me for giving them a confidence boost after a break-up, or after a long spell of being single.”
It is not just Pilkington supporting everyone – the group creates a wholesome atmosphere of encouragement. When one woman worries that the man she wants to approach is too good-looking for her, the group lifts her up, telling her how hot, smart and cool she is. This is the case even when things get a little awkward.
“We had a situation once where a girl gave her card to a guy, but he was interested in someone else in the group,” Pilkington recalls. “We made her feel better, telling her not to dwell, to redirect so she got over it quickly.”
Being so busy supporting other people’s potential courtships means Pilkington doesn’t have too much time to look for herself. I notice her keeping a close eye on the group, continually checking everyone is OK, making each of us feel important, like a conscientious bride dividing her time equally between guests, but rarely surveying the room herself.
On a couple of occasions, men do approach her, but she wraps up the conversations quickly. “I have had a few kisses on the crawls, but mainly I just want everyone else to have a good night. Although sometimes when I watch my footage back, I see someone, and I am like: ‘Wait, he was so fit. Why did I not talk to him?’”
But, mostly, Pilkington, who has been single for two-and-a-half years, is not too fussed about getting a partner anymore. “I am really happy being single at the moment,” she says. “I have a really full, fun life. The community that I have built has filled my cup a lot. I can go out with the girls, and if there’s a guy there, that’s great, but I don’t need that.
“To be honest, I am just too busy to be in a dating era, and I cannot really be bothered right now. I am focused on building this business.” She describes the dating scene in general as “dire”, but is proud of playing a small part in trying to change that.
We reach our final destination, The Folly. As a DJ plays Noughties R&B, the group dances in a circle, making promises to repeat this evening again soon. As it nears midnight, my bed is calling, so I hug my new friends goodbye.
While heading to the exit, I spot a handsome man sipping on a crisp glass of white wine and leaning back on a window seat. After spending all night watching women bravely put themselves out there, I decide the card that has been burning a hole in my pocket deserves its moment.
I walk over and tell him: “I’ve got something for you.” “What is it?” “My number,” I reply while sliding it across the table.
His stoic persona instantly changes as a giggle erupts from him. As I wait for my bus home, I’m not desperately looking at my phone to see if he’s immediately texting me, but instead basking in the pride of my bold move.
