Marie Kondo: The 10 Japanese customs that can change your life

The 41-year-old’s company has experts trained in her KonMari method in more than 50 countries around the world - Konmari

Some of you may curse the day that you – or perhaps more likely, your partner – heard of Marie Kondo. Ever since her multi-million selling The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying sparked a revolution in 2014, couples have been coming to blows over what exactly does or does not “spark joy” in their house.

Like it or not, she changed the way we decluttered our homes and folded our pants. And today Kondo’s company has experts trained in her KonMari method in more than 50 countries around the world.

Now, just over 10 years on, Tokyo-born Kondo is back with her new book, Letter from Japan. In it, the 41-year-old looks at the Japanese traditions that have shaped her life – at a time when interest in the country’s culture is booming and Japan has become a must-visit tourist destination.

Kondo teaches people the art of decluttering on her 2019 Netflix show, Tidying up with Marie Kondo - Netflix

Here, she shares with The Telegraph 10 ways we can incorporate some of her favourite customs into our lives (and, spoiler alert, you won’t have to chuck out half your belongings).

Ma: The art of the pause in conversation

“I think this is a very unique concept,” says Kondo. “It’s experiencing the gap, the pause. If you are talking, it’s fun to keep talking and talking but at the same time you don’t need to fill every gap, every space. You can enjoy that pause.

“In Japanese we talk about reading between the lines, seeing what feelings are there that aren’t being put into words. The ma, the silence, gives us the opportunity to realise both our own feelings and what other people might be thinking.

“It’s the opportunity to think more deeply about what you are doing and what you are saying and for me it’s a very nice, comfortable feeling.”

During conversation, Kondo explains, you don’t need to fill every gap, every space. You can enjoy that pause - Moment RF

Sadō: The tea ceremony

Savouring a cup of tea and enjoying the moment is very Japanese, says Kondo. Take your time over a cuppa and make it into a ritual, rather than just drinking while on your computer or watching television. Make it more meditative.

“The tea ceremony or sadō is a big part of Japanese culture and there are two things that make it distinctive,” she says.

“The first is the way that every movement is so ritualised, it has a perfect form of gestures. The second is that this ritual allows you to focus on what you are doing, on making the tea.

“Focus when you are actually drinking too. You might have all sorts of thoughts going through your head. But thinking about that cup of tea you always take for granted can become something really special.”

Cleaning as an act of care

Being the go-to cleaning guru, Kondo says keeping your house spotless is as much for your mental wellbeing as having a lovely home.

“Of course, cleaning your house is a very simple act but for me it’s also a way of caring for your space, of expressing gratitude for the home that protects you and looks after you,” she explains.

Keeping your house spotless is as much for your mental wellbeing as having a lovely home, Kondo says

“It’s about purifying your space and making it a comfortable place to be. It’s a kind of ritual for me.

“Monks that train in temples start with cleaning, with purification. And tidying your space helps you to organise your heart and mind as well.”

Kondo also uses crystals and incense. “This is just me but I like having beautiful sparkling crystals. It helps to purify the air in the same way that incense does. It makes things cleaner and clearer and monks have always used incense in temples for the same reason.”

Mottainai: The art of not being wasteful

Mottainai is the art of reusing and repurposing items. Kondo tells of how Japanese children carefully open presents, not ripping them frantically, so that the paper can be used again.

“Mottainai stems back to the Edo period in Japan, when Japan was closed off to the rest of the world and had limited resources to use,” says Kondo. “We had to make use of what we had access to, and what we had was precious and so it couldn’t be wasted. That’s where this concept comes from and kintsugi is also part of that.

Urushi lacquer is used to repair a broken dish, demonstrating the art of kintsugi - E+

“Kintsugi is when a vessel or a dish breaks and it is then repaired using urushi lacquer. What is special is that it repairs the vessel but it also creates a new original piece that is even more beautiful. In a way it reminds us that even if something is broken or cracked, it can still be beautiful. That in turn ties in with the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi, which is appreciating the beauty of imperfection.”

Take your time when eating

Mother of three Kondo says food should be enjoyed and savoured – and not wolfed down. And to always make sure there is a good balance of flavours and proteins. In Japan, schoolchildren serve each other at meal times – there are no dinner ladies.

“My children have been to school in the US, so I appreciate the culture of having someone whose job it is to serve the school meals and how much more efficient that can be,” says Kondo. “I think it’s a lovely part of the culture.

“The point of this book is not to say Japanese culture is better, it’s to say look at all these different ways of doing things and to help people understand each other’s cultures. In Japan, yes, children serve the school meals and I think it’s an opportunity for them to have to think about how to distribute it evenly and equally. They know what food is there and how many are in their class. They can also think about the food they are serving as well. It gives them a good start.”

Kondo also advises that we should use our good bowls and dishes everyday. Don’t just keep them for best – it will add to the dining experience.

The onsen

“There are onsen all over Japan and they are natural hot springs,” says Kondo. “Experiencing the onsen is a part of Japanese culture that people absolutely love. It’s a way of experiencing the energy of nature, of the heat that is bubbling up from the earth, the energy of the water. It’s the sense of being purified by that water as well as being recharged by the natural energy of the earth.

“The best thing to do is to experience a real onsen, of course – they are not just in Japan. There are onsen all over the world. But if you can’t do that, you can recreate that feeling in your daily life by having a bath, by really enjoying it, experiencing it.

‘Experiencing the onsen is a way of experiencing the energy of nature,’ says Kondo - Moment RF

“In Japan you can get onsen salts from different regions. But if you can’t get those, just buy bath salts and add the power of the sea to your bath through that.

“Once you are in there, just relax, take deep breaths, listen to the sound of the water lapping. Watch the ripples on the surface and try to become more aware and more sensitive towards the experience. That will help you relax even more.”

Omotenashi: The art of hospitality

Omotenashi is about making someone feel welcome and respected but without being obsequious. It’s thinking ahead about what their likes and interests are, maybe by putting a book by a favourite author by their bed or their favourite flowers in their room.

“Japan is well known for its omotenashi and we love talking about it but it’s not just Japan,” says Kondo. “I’ve lived overseas and when I’ve lived and travelled in other countries, I’ve come across some lovely examples of omotenashi. When you stay in a hotel, it might seem quite a natural thing, like when someone holds the door for you or there are chocolates in your room.

“It’s a way of respecting and caring for guests and people by imagining what they need and what they want and providing it for them.”

Enjoy the seasons and get out in nature

In Japan, meteorologists track the cherry blossom every spring and the Japanese language has a plethora of expressions to capture its appeal. Kondo still gets excited when she sees the pink blooms.

‘Appreciating the seasons helps you to become more sensitive to the changes going on around you,’ says Kondo - Glenn Waters

“I love appreciating the changing seasons in Japan,” says Kondo. “They are always flowing, they are never the same and every season brings a new feeling. You feel the gentleness of spring and then the excitement of summer, the relaxation of autumn and then the depth of winter.

“Appreciating the seasons helps you to become more sensitive to the changes going on around you. Which in turn helps make you more aware of changes happening within you. It helps you to develop a certain sensitivity which again can be useful when it comes to tidying and life in general.”

Kawaii or cuteness

Kawaii culture in Japan is all about an appreciation of cute things with an almost childish innocence like Hello Kitty, Pikachu, quirky stationery and mascots. It’s an escape from daily pressures.

“I use the word kawaii all the time in my day-to-day life,” says Kondo. “In English, of course, we translate it as cute but it’s the sense of cherishing something, of finding something adorable.

Kawaii culture in Japan is all about an appreciation of cute things with an almost childish innocence

“One of the ways in Japan that it’s quite common to feel that sense of kawaii is through animated characters. Each prefecture in Japan has a mascot to represent them and if you like that mascot and think of them as kawaii then you are more likely to feel an affinity for the place where that mascot comes from and what they represent.

“This sense of kawaii is a way of bringing comfort and gentleness and a bit of kindness into your own life.”

Ikagi: Finding your purpose

“Ikagi is the Japanese way of saying a person’s purpose in life, what brings you joy, what brings value to your life,” says Kondo. “I always say it starts from within, from warmth and happiness.”

She says it’s about what really makes you happy – whether it be work, family or activities.

“It’s finding that moment when your heart sings. You physically feel the joy in your body. For me, for example, it’s when someone has been through the tidying experience and I see them glowing. I see it in the way their life changes and that brings me deep joy.”

‘Letter from Japan’ by Marie Kondo is published by Leap/Bonnier at £16.99

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