The non-negotiable luxuries we can’t give up – no matter the cost

Ruth Ramsay uses deodorant that costs £18 and is about the size of a toothpaste tube - John Lawrence

Ruth Ramsay has a rather unusual item on her Christmas list: deodorant.

In fairness, she says, the deodorant is “amazing” and, also, £18 a pop. “Crazy,” she confesses, before adding: “But it’s a little moment of luxury.”

And so the sex educator from Buckinghamshire scrimps and saves and makes sure she always has some in stock. Sometimes she even asks for it for her birthday, too.

We all have these items we’re unwilling to give up even when budgets are stretched. We may not be in a recession in the UK, but stagnant growth and persistently high inflation mean many of us are shorter of cash than feels comfortable.

The “lipstick index”, a theory coined by Estée Lauder’s Leonard Lauder in 2001, hypothesises that the sales of affordable luxury items, like lipstick, go up in tight financial times as consumers opt for “small treats” to make themselves feel better.

For some, it’s getting their hair blow-dried, for others it’s a daily flat white, and, for 50-year-old Ramsay, it’s a natural deodorant that – though delicately fragranced and made in the UK from natural ingredients – is up to 18 times more expensive than a regular roll-on.

Ruth’s £18 deodorant is no bigger than a tube of toothpaste - John Lawrence

Also placing huge value on a non-negotiable luxury is Pippa Best, 52, from Penzance. Best always starts her day with a little cup of ceremonial cacao, a special form of drinking chocolate used as a sacred ancient medicine for the mind and body.

“It’s a simple daily ritual that ensures I take a moment to pause mindfully and feel grateful for everything in my life,” she says.

This mindful pause sets Best back £35 for 11 to 18 servings (she ensures her cacao is ethically sourced, which pushes up the price). But it’s not something she is willing to give up.

“Before I made time for a daily cacao moment in my life, I could often find myself racing from one task to another without really pausing to appreciate how lucky I am in so many ways,” she says. “To be honest, I’d happily cut out most other things before cutting out cacao. It’s already replaced breakfast.”

Some people’s non-negotiable luxuries are slightly more practical. One friend I spoke to – who asked to remain anonymous – told me the item she never compromises on is toilet paper.

When questioned as to whether this was, actually, a luxury and not (surely!) a necessity, she says: “I’d say there’s a difference between the quilted luxury Andrex and an own brand.” Seconds later, another friend piped up, adding: “Quite true. Never less than three ply.”

Also thinking practically is Bedfordshire-based Lindsay Edwards, 40, for whom properly fitting underwear is the one thing she never economises on. “Being an F cup, it’s important for me to wear bras that provide effective support,” she says, explaining she usually shops in Bravissimo.

“I’ve tried to cut back before and purchased bras from H&M and Primark like many of my friends do, but it’s almost impossible to find my size. Squeezing into an improper fit is very uncomfortable as well as potentially damaging for breast tissue.”

Edwards, though, takes this little luxury one step further. “I have a professional bra fitting at Bravissimo every six to 12 months as bra size can change due to fluctuations in weight, hormonal changes, or ageing. This means I spend several hundred pounds on underwear every year. But, for me, they’re a non-negotiable expense.”

Meanwhile, the one thing 35-year-old Katie Davies won’t give up is Lurpak, which, in 2022, was security tagged by some shops after the price shot up to over £9. “I’m struggling in the cost of living crisis and I still won’t budge on the Lurpak,” says Davies, who’s from Carmarthen, Wales.

“Nothing else compares and some things are worth paying for.”

Some people have tried to give up their non-negotiable luxuries, only to find themselves pulled back in. Helen Davis, 59, from Hampshire, for example, had to go without a regular cleaner during the Covid lockdown. “I’m a clinical hypnotherapist and yoga teacher so I was able to continue working online, but I still had a lot more spare time,” she says.

“Despite that, I still didn’t choose to spend it cleaning my home. After three months without a cleaner, I knew this was not something I was prepared to give up.”

Davis does concede that there have been times when she’s “felt anxious” about paying for something she could do herself. It costs her £40 every quarter to the cleaning agency and then £25 every two weeks for a two-hour clean. “But then I look around my ‘magically’ clean home and know that, for me, it’s worth it.”

Of course, some non-negotiable luxuries don’t just cost us money, they cost us time, too. Essex-based Caroline Tyrwhitt, 62, drives an hour to get her hair cut every 12 weeks. “I’ve been going to the same hairdresser for about 20 years and have followed him to the different branches [of the salon] that he has managed,” she explains.

While it’s expensive (“It’s over £200; I just close my eyes and put in my Pin!”) and time-consuming, for her it’s worth it. “I now spend less on clothes and going out as my hair looking and feeling great is way more important to me.”

It’s notable that many people’s non-negotiable luxuries involve ritual, be it the ritual of a cup of cacao and a mindful pause, or the ritual of haircut that makes you feel your absolute best. Maybe non-negotiable luxuries tell us something about our values, about who we are as individuals.

Ramsay, of the £18 deodorant, certainly thinks so. “I think the choice of this deodorant as my luxury says that I like to feel good and smell good in my own skin,” she says. “That is more important to me than looking good to other people.”

b''

Play The Telegraph’s brilliant range of Puzzles - and feel brighter every day. Train your brain and boost your mood with PlusWord, the Mini Crossword, the fearsome Killer Sudoku and even the classic Cryptic Crossword.